The Gift That Is Easter...

This morning, after my wife and I had exchanged Easter greetings and she had walked out the door to go to work, I was caught sitting and thinking alone in our living room. In the broken silence, while some idiotic movie I had not been watching or paying attention to continued to interrupt my thoughts and muddle my feelings, I was forced to take an accounting of exactly what Easter used to hold for me and the moment it had now evolved into.

So, as I sat on the comfortable couch and continued to NOT listen to the much-too-loud movie playing on the television, I found myself thinking and remembering some of my past Easter celebrations and just how much the meaning of this holiday and changed over the years. Honestly, I can say that I have grown more cynical and critical of Easter. I have come to see and despise Easter because it has evolved from a special celebration into just another day in a long line of many overrun by mass-media, the urge to buy and consume and a failure to embrace the true meaning of this lovely and humble holiday.

I remember the Easter mornings of yesterday when my sister and I would wake up and walk out into the living room to find colorful baskets wrapped in cellophane full of toys and candy. Sometimes Patti would wake up before me and come back into the room to tell me what was waiting for us both out in the next room. We'd get up, go out and tear into the packages to get to the part that used to count the most during Easter. You see, back then, Easter was not about cards, gifts or church - really, it was all about the candy!

In truth, I really do not miss the candy or the trips to the dentist after consuming and failing to brush. Rather, I miss the newness and wholesome quality that each day approaching Easter used to hold for me. You see, Easter, or the celebration of Easter, was all about renewal, rebirth and a chance to begin again. Like springtime, the cold and drab colors of winter had been shed and replaced by all things colorful, rejuvenating and full of life and celebration.

I enjoyed the gifts and the candy, but I really didn't care much for getting dressed-up and going off to Sunday Easter mass with the mobs and multitudes of people at St. Joseph's. In all honesty, I certainly do not miss the mass or the church, and I hope you do not see it as a blaspheme. The parking was dreadful, the mass amazingly long and boring and it was as if everyone in Hawthorne had chosen to attend that particular celebration that morning because it was always "standing room only." My tolerance of hypocrisy is very short - because it always seemed that church attendance following Christmas and leading up to Easter was minimal at best. Everyone always managed to hit the Easter mass, but missed all of the others preceding it...

The existence of my own hypocrisy has not been difficult to accept. I may not have a popular idea of what church and faith entail, but I have come to accept certain truths in this life, and though I love God, Christ and the many teachings, and mysteries that the bible holds for us all, I do not see the church as something that is wholly necessary for me to anchor and entrust my total overall beliefs in the Divine. I talk to God many times during each day, and have come to accept that my words and actions are seen and heard. I do not ask for miracles because there is nothing that God possesses that I have not already experienced or felt within my life that would lead me to believe that God, whomever he or she may be, does not exist. In my embracing of faith, I have come to find that each day I draw breath inward and outward; everything that I see and absorb in my mind and heart are the daily and hourly miracles that have been reaped and held within me and my life - all things that have been are from the graces and blessings of God and life as they manage to coexist in mine.

I realized when sitting down to dinner with family last night, raising a glass wine and bread for a blessing and wishing a happy Easter to us all, that moment was all the miracle and gifts which I could ever want or need. Although I missed the chance to celebrate Easter weekend with my children, I have no regrets. I have come to realize that I can only do what I can do and be the best person I can be without having to be asked.

Spending lunch with my wife this afternoon, we discussed how self-absorbed and ill-mannered people had been all day. From complaining customers at her job today to people I had greeted with "Happy Easter" only to be looked at like an outcast, we had both come to realize that many people had lost the will to give a gift or greeting to a stranger and would rather spend their time improving their own worlds rather than the world that surrounds them. People have become too self-absorbed, selfish and lacking in basic human decency. They have lost the gift of humanity within, and in that I weep for them and their own miserable existence...

After lunch, I made a side-trip to deliver the gift baskets for the children. Nothing terribly big - a couple of pieces of candy, an Easter card and a gift card from Barnes and Noble to buy a book or two. I was surprised to find the boys at home with their grandparents. They both greeted me and said Happy Easter which made me feel good. We exchanged "small talk" as we often do, and my mouth was off in nervous chatter because going back to an "ex spouses" house is never a comfortable experience. Regardless of this feeling of unease, I spent some time with my sons and let them know that I was thinking of them today and wishing them a Happy Easter.

I gave them the bags and started to leave, telling them both to be good - my oldest son already up the stairs and back into his room, my youngest turned to me and with a smile said, "Thanks dad - Happy Easter"

The gifts of my past have been encompassed by the many treasured memories within my mind and heart. All of the multi-colored egg-hunts and dewy Sunday morning lawns in my mind have never been replaced or paved over by the many years and miles that have passed between me, my family, my children and the many people who continue to love, support and shape my life in oh so many ways. The gifts I received today are placed firmly within me and are some of the best gifts i have ever received for Easter. I feel renewed. I feel loved. I feel alive. That is the gift that Easter is - it is all of these things and more.

I am satisfied with the gifts that have been given to me...how about you?

Happy Easter!