Faith

I was sitting in church today - seeing our Easter service was held in the cantina (of all places) to accommodate the many practitioners of faith during this holiday, and I noticed just how beautiful the day actually was. Not too hot. Not too cool. A beautiful, sun-filled morning full of promise and joy.

The pastor began his sermon and talked about faith and just how important faith can be - not only in times of trouble, but in every aspect of life in general. My mind began to ponder his message and suddenly I was transfixed with the very question he had posed, albeit indirectly, but aimed at all in attendance; are you faithful? Are you trying to be faithful? Have you ever been faithful?...

Sitting in the cantina this morning, pondering over the words of the sermon and the questions which had been posed, I began to rummage over my abilities to trust and be trusted. I felt compelled to note that after little more than a few seconds of assessing the question I have come to find that I have not been the most reliable or trustworthy sort in this life. At best, my life has can be labeled as "chaotic." Looking back, I have asked others to trust me and place their faith within me, only to have their faith broken. I too have had my faith broken on several occasions and found myself "slumping" into a pit of despair and woe - looking at the gray, black and white of this world and losing focus of the true colors which lay beyond.

It seems rather difficult to remain faithful on so many levels these days because, lets face facts - times are tough all over. Really, when you look around, there are so many reminders of the negative and rotten things that life encompasses, that we tend to overlook the little bits and moments of treasure and gemstone that we may find in the everyday of this life and remain focused narrowly on the obstacles which constantly roadblock our pathways to happiness.

And who said life was easy?....

As a member of a "fighting" team, I am blessed with some insight into the realm of faith and just how much it means to have faith on your side when in times of trouble or doubt. I don't think there is a single one of us that would like to ponder the question of "Is he/she going to be there to help?" I don't think anyone would like to believe that the person they rely upon in times of trouble or doubt should be doubted as well. Coming to count on someone else is not a weakness or frailty that embodies our character, but actually combines with our passions and dreams to make us the characters that we are. In other words, its our weaknesses; our ability to recognize weakness; our level of compassion and our ability to assist those in need of assistance that makes us all generally and undeniably human in every sense of the word.

I wear a uniform. I am isolated from family, yet surrounded by another family to which I have placed my faith and confidence in. I have come to trust the team members and accept them as my brothers and sisters in this operation. They are the matrix and support which assist me and see me through on every aspect of my daily existence. From the cook that gets my breakfast ready in the morning, to the man who makes sure my paperwork is in the right place at the right time, the wheels and cogs all work, mesh, spin and divine their way through this ongoing ballet and make the ordinary really something quite extraordinary. The people on my immediate left and right are my protectors - and I have entrusted them with something I hold more precious than all the wealth in the world - that is my very life's breath - my blood - my body and my being. I have done so knowingly. It is my faith in them which will see me home to the family and friends that have placed their trust and love within me.

I can conclude that I do have faith. Sometimes, I place far too much faith in things and people, but it is my optimism and compulsion to do so. Sometimes I find myself on the losing end of the equation, but like everyone else with breath in their lungs and blood still flowing, I pick myself up, dust myself off and keep pushing onward. I try to be positive most of the time. I try to remain a part of the solution and not a part of the problem. I try to offer instances of insight and give solution to pending problems rather than rant on and on about them. Things do upset me. I am compulsive and I don't like things to go off the beaten path. Sometimes, they do and I throw-up my hands and say, "Oh well - now what?" It is not my lackadaisical nature that is taking over. It is my faith in all things human that a solution will make itself available and that the faith itself will keep me moving in the right direction!

So, yes I do have faith. I am faithful and I am keeping my faith alive on many levels. Not only because my emminent survival depends upon it or that my personal relationships thrive upon it. No, it is because of something much more than that.

I am keeping faith alive because I am human and have come to realize that despite the moments of fault and loss, there is still reason to place your trust in your fellow mankind. I have come to embrace both the goodness and rotten this life can throw at me, and still keep asking for more and more. I continue to have faith not because I am forced to do it, but because it is something I do not feel the need to question - I have faith because I have a conviction to a higher power; a responsibility greater than my own common need. I have faith because I feel is the right thing to have - regardless! To lose faith is to lose life - and I am not ready to lose that yet - for I have far too much living to look forward to...

(Originally published 12 April 2006 on the blog "The Curbside Philosopher")