Compromise

First and foremost I must apologize for the delay in completing this entry. I started this essay on the 8th of July and found myself rather befuddled so I stopped, pushed myself away from the desk to leave the many long-winded lines and scattered paragraphs to simmer.

I am a simple creature of habit, so it was difficult for me to just walk away when I was so very wound-up and tightly in tune with my creative juices at the time. Strangely, there was something extremely harsh about this topic that found me growing more and more frustrated with the many words flowing forth from my fingertips and on to this electronic page. It got to a point that I was no longer writing and explaining the logic behind the argument in favor, but actually raving and ranting - which for me, is not a very pretty sight to observe.

Eventually, the simmering of my creative juices came to a boil on several occasions, leading me to edit, readjust, scribble some more, edit further and continue into this chase for creativity on and off over a 4 day period! Eventually, I believe I have come up with a finished product that will help to clarify and illustrate the lesson I had learned in authoring this particular essay. I did not compromise my character or myself in the process, but had to compromise some of my writing time and a wee-bit of ego in order to accurately push my message across in a way that was more suggestion and less reliant on the steam-shovel "force feeding/preaching" method.

Enough of my rambling - I know it's a rather abrupt halt, but it is time to move upward and onward to the lesson at hand...

Compromise as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary is a settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions; it is something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things.

I have come to find in my so-called "advanced age" that compromise seems to be an ever present theme in the normal day-to-day and rigors of this life. Even to the unconscious mind, there are side-bar bargains and under-the-table deals made on almost every level of decision making - from something as mundane as in deciding what to have for breakfast or wear to work to debating and planning whether or not to invest money in a T-Bill or on a second honeymoon. When the pathways of two plans come together and joined partners, whether through business or marriage must make a decision at the expense of the other
there is a certain amount of compromise that must be made in order to keep a balance and equity so that both parties feel satisfied with the decision and will embrace the outcome as their own.

Compromise and sacrifice I have come to find seem to be unwitting partners in the realm of decision making. For you cannot have one without the other. Choosing one path over the other means the opportunity may not be available again. This is a lesson that can be learned on any school playground or park in the tepid tides of our youth. There are only so many swings in which to swing upon; only so many pairs of "monkey bars" to hang from and only one slide in which to climb and conquer. Bargaining to gain favor is what will put us at the head of the line and allow us to be the first to swing at recess - just as long as we concede to the friends who allowed us this privilege and pass to them the same consideration and privilege when they ask to be allowed to "go first" next time.

Just as compromise tries to find a half-way point in the arena of sacrifice and decision, the fragile balance and weight of the decision to be made can be cambered, adjusted and tilted one way or the other based upon the amount of gain or loss that will occur once a decision has been planned and implemented. Somehow, even when a compromise has been reached, someone will almost always end up getting the better part of the bargain while the other party is left to account for their losses and begin a plan in seeking equity and equality with the next decision to be made. Losses can be accounted on many levels - it can be something simple like time - because you chose one route over the other to get to work quicker and find out the path you chose was not the best one; or something as complex as choosing one place to live or another because of many varied factors such as proximity to employment opportunities, the safety of the neighborhood, the quality of schools or the availability of shops or services.

Loss is another undeniable ongoing lesson in life which we also must face on a daily basis and with any sort of luck, it is endured in small metered doses. For some of us, loss is an everyday occurrence in our lives that many of us must endure. On the opposing spectrum, there are many who live day to day in fear of loss and deny to recognize or embrace the changes taking place around them. Some of us tend to live in fear of loss - whether it is rooted firmly in vanity or emotional ties, our bond with loss is characteristic of the kind of relationships we make in this lifetime. In essence, our ability to come to grips with the drudgery of this life and embrace the lessons and tidbits of wisdom along the way are guideposts along the road that point us toward a higher realization and better understanding of the human heart and its behavior. Without experiencing some sort of loss in this life, it would be impossible for us to grow.

It is true that we face the concepts of compromise, sacrifice and loss on many different levels. We lose track of time; we lose contact with people we know; we sometimes lose our minds and also we can give into the argument and reach a compromise by agreeing to disagree. As with any argument where there is something lost and something gained. It can be equally noted that the amount of loss which has occurred and endured by an individual or group is directly proportional to the amount of resistance the so-called "winner" will have to endure the next time the stage of compromise is approached and stumbled upon. So, the old adage, "I may have lost the argument but I won the war" should be taken into consideration when entering into a battle of wills and ideals.

I will be brutally honest - there are times when I find compromise to be quite a difficult concept for me to grasp a hold of. There is a very competitive, proud and immovable side of me that holds steadfastly and rather selfishly to the dreams and wants of the given moment and I am prone to take on quite a hostile intonation when asked to compromise or give in on a particular subject. My ego, arrogance and selfish needs have cost me dearly sometimes. There have been times when I should have thought twice and not be lead astray by impulse. There were also times when I should have walked away from an argument and gone off to lick my wounds inflicted on my pride rather than get dragged into an all out "Battle Royale Caged Death Match." I have managed to learn the lesson, but have found it often difficult at times to put the lesson learned back into the field of fair play and allow it to be seen and not just something heard. I am stubborn, hard-headed, steadfast and tenacious. I have little appetite for criticism, differing points of view, or plans which lack logic.

I have come to find as I grow older and maybe sometimes a bit wiser that compromise does not have to mean being pinned with the "loser" moniker (take the index finger and thumb of right hand, extend into shape of backwards "L" and place it on your forehead). Sometimes, through compromise, sacrifice and loss we are able to shed a little more of the external shell of ourselves and reveal a side to our counterparts that does not imbue weakness or spinelessness. Rather, it shows humility, wisdom and above all a willingness to see things from an entirely different aspect. You may find it difficult to comprehend or your skepticism my raise many bells and whistles within you, but I have found that when you give into the moment and just lose yourself, you not only earn a new respect from those who requested the compromise, you often find yourself enjoying the task or the situation despite your previous anxieties and trepidations. It may mean taking a trip to the Home Depot to learn about flower boxes and fertilizers or even taking a Salsa dance class on Wednesday evenings instead of watching Nova on PBS.

From all the data derived and picked through in this essay, it is easy for us to arrive at a conclusion that it is common nature for humans (especially the male of the species!) to feel slighted or cheated when having to compromise or bargain in order to attain favor. Additionally, we must also come to recognize that there is a time and a place for everything, and you must learn to adapt and use wisdom to identify and recognize the right moments when to pick and choose your battles. There are times when you must stick steadfastly to your beliefs and ideals and not bend or give way (maybe just ever-so slightly) in order to assure that your good graces and time are not taken advantage of. And still there are other times when you must learn to drop your guard long enough to end the debate and go with the plan or choice of direction you had failed to embrace from the beginning. Yes, it is an extra-difficult "horse pill" to ingest when you feel forced to admit defeat or give your "permission" to proceed with a course of events you did not embrace from the beginning, but sometimes you will find that you were incorrect in your original assumptions and that giving into the moment and the plan was the best course of action for everyone involved.

There really is no best way to illustrate the lesson (or lessons) learned from compromise. Even with compromise and ego, what I have found is that even though it goes against my better nature to give in, there are specific sacrifices to be made of self and ego that are comparatively only "small change" when compared to the wealth of respect and love to be gained. Perhaps I am getting softer in my old age, but I have discovered that the "triple threat" of compromise, sacrifice and loss somehow manage to keep all of my relationships firmly glued together (perhaps it's just morbid curiosity) while still remaining equally distant, different and apart. The contrast is what makes this life so amazing at times.

"Variety" being the ever present spice in life, it would lead one to believe at first that compromise might be best described as the "liver" on the banquet table. It may be an acquired taste that some never really find a palate for, but never the less it is a different flavor; whether it is spread on a cracker and accompanied by a fine Dom Perignon or served with onions and bacon and washed down with an ice cold beer, compromise can lead to a gain in both knowledge and wisdom when the true weight of the benefits are actually realized in total.